The Word According To...

The following is brought to you by our resident theologian, Tater, who is dressed in the traditional scholar attire: a princess Pull-Up, Sunday sandals on the wrong feet, a plastic fireman's hat, and a pink passie. She is curled in a ball on the bottom shelf of my end table telling me that she is a puppy, and she is "twying to sweep." I'm not sure, but this may be a part of the studying process. These are things that are beyond my understanding, but I do not question them. Accoring to Tater, the first four books of the New Testament in the Bible are as follows:

Maffew
Elmo
Warry and
Bob

I also believe that somewhere towards the back of the Bible there is a First and Second Larry Boy and the Book of June-er. Please let me know if you have any questions that I can present to the Professor of New Testament studies. She will be happy to answer, but not until after nap.

These are a few of

My favorite things about springtime…

* warm weather
* the smell of rain
* sidewalk chalk on sidewalk, hands, faces, and clothes
* blowing bubbles
* the smell of sweaty kids
* shoes that do not have to be tied
* picnics
* short sleeves and bare legs
* more daylight
* supper on the porch
* open windows
* bruised shins
* strawberry stained fingers
* the smell of freshly cut grass
* squeals of delight over butterflies, birds, clouds, flowers, rabbits, wind, anything and everything

What are some of your favorite things about this time of year?

Did I Mention?

Did I mention that my mom (Nana) told me today that when she was holding Tot yesterday, her hair smelled like pee? Not Nana's hair, Tot's hair. I don't remember her or anyone else peeing on her head. Could I possibly have missed this rather obvious event? Just wondering - is that any sort of reflection of my parenting abilities? Do all moms come to a point when they can't smell the pee infused stench of their children? Maybe she meant a pea. We haven't had peas. No one will eat them but me. And no, I didn't rush to give her a bath after she told me this. Nana said she would give her one on Saturday. Don't judge me. Just write it in the notes of my Mother of the Year Award assessment. It won't be the worst of my blemished parenting credentials.

Until Next Time,
Tater and Tot's Mommy

Have you heard the one about....

...not being able to keep anything on your kitchen counters? You know, crazy things like pieces of fruit or packs of gum. Although I'm sure that somewhere along the way a clever mom thought "Gee, a flat, raised, mostly clean surface....maybe I could place some of the kitchen items I use on a regular basis on them, or perhaps even eating goods that do not need refrigeration."
What a novel idea.
Too bad it doesn't work.
As I have mentioned in the past, Tater and Tot both love to steal things. Lots of things.
Drinks from my cup, lipstick from my purse, and an almost finished scarf off of my knitting needles. I still haven't had the class where they teach you how to put it back on. But it seems that lately, they are scoping out my kitchen.
I have a strange feeling that they are planning a heist, a hostile take over, a "job." Anything they can get their hands on is fair game. I walked into the kitchen yesterday to find Tater eating a pack of gum. No, no, listen carefully, not chewing a pack of gum. Eating a pack of gum. Chewing and swallowing. She had even gotten a paper plate to display it on. You know what they say, presentation is everything. Remind me when she's 10 and pooping unknown things, and I'm frantic trying to find out what on earth it could be. Help me remember the Great Gum Ingestion of 2006. I'm sure I will forget by then.
And then there is the Fruit Fiasco. It started out as bananas grabbed from the basket while standing on tip-toes. Then it moved on to grapes being snuck from the fridge (which by the way takes four hands and four feet to open.) Well, today it escalated to the strawberries. I wouldn't care much about the strawberries, except that they are my favorite. And I'm not real keen on sharing. I was in the living room minding my own business when Tot, the smaller of the two perps, came to me with half of a strawberry. It was like she was showing it off, daring me to apprehend her. It was then that I realized that it was the end with the green leaves that was missing. Maybe she had come to me wanting an explanation as to why something that smelled so good could taste so much like a cow pasture. I'll never know.
But I did know that these particular thieves worked in pairs. A Thelma and Louise, if you will. There was no time to radio in for backup, so I had to face this situation on my own. I went into the kitchen to find Tater standing on a chair digging through the container, looking for the best ones. She looked at me innocently with those big brown eyes and told me "Mom-my, Sissy wanted stwawbewwies." How could I protest?
Now I know how the best in the force can go corrupt. You know, let the little things slide, maybe even take a little for themselves.

Forget about lunch.

We ate strawberries.

Now I have to go and finish my report on the incident. My paperwork will reflect that it was a false alarm. That is, if I can hide the strawberry stains.

Until next time and if anyone read this far,
Tater and Tot's Mommy

Worn Out!

Just a quick update...we just got back Monday night from a long weekend near D.C. We spent Sunday at the National Zoo, and had a great time. Tater and Tot loved all of the animals - and the popcorn! Tater was so excited, and made a cute list of what she wanted to see. She used her little fingers to make sure I knew she wanted to see the "monkeys and wions." I made sure we got to those or I would have never been forgiven! Tot was excited to try and call to the "cheeeetaaaaz" and have them come over. She was, however, scared of one very active orangutan! She hasn't quite grasped the concept of protective glass. We were with older cousins this weekend (3 and 5) and Tater and Tot both thought that they were big girls! Their aunt had everything so nice and had some fun things planned for all of the girls. They got to hunt candy Easter eggs in their egg bags and had thier picture made in their P.J.s and pink bunny ears! She even had each girl a chocolate bunny! Too cute! It was a great weekend with my girls!

Until next time,
Tater and Tot's Mommy

Today is...

I need a break. Just in case you were wondering, today is a Scenerio 1 day. Say a prayer and wish me luck. I'm going to go try to potty in peace. We'll see.

Until next time,

Tater's (who has on no clothes and who continues to steal grapes from the refrigerator) and Tot's (who has cried more than anything and keeps getting hurt) Mommy

Here goes nothing...

Well, after much pondering, I have decided to blog. B-L-O-G...it seems as though everyone's doing it. I just Googled mom blogs, and can not believe how many mom's are out there putting their stories on line. Worth a shot I guess. I'm sure that there has been research done, and probably a very intelligent reason why mothers are attracted to blogging their daily lives. Perhaps it is because parenting is the most difficult job on the face of the earth. A job that is entered into with virtually little or no training. Imagine a NASA engineer committing to work on the next shuttle to launch into space with no one telling them which part of the process is theirs to manage. Get the picture? Perhaps it is because being a mother is the type of position that no one on the face of the earth can relate to except another mother. And usually another mother who is the same situation as you are. Not a mother of 20 or 30 years ago. Although full of very knowledgeable and insightful information, grandmothers and great-grandmothers seem to take to the notion that their experience parenting was quite harder that yours. Maybe it was - but that's not what I need to hear. I need comfort that you are as scared as me that we might possibly be scarring our children for life. And I will comfort you when you say that your baby pulled a TV off of its stand yesterday by telling you that mine fell off of a couch and has carpet burn on her face. See, it happens to everybody.
So, enough about that - more about me...
I am a stay-at-home mom of two gorgeous, smart, funny, and trouble-making little girls. For the sake of not being sure how much specific information I am going to share about my family (names and such), I am going to refer to my girls as Tater and Tot. Tater will be 3 in May and Tot will be 2 in July. "Wow, that's really close," you say. My response? Yes it is. "Did you plan it that way?" you ask. Me: I always say that if you are not preventing then you are planning...so I suppose we were planning. We were surprised, but extremely excited! Normally, you say, "So, how is it? Two babies just fourteen months apart..." My response to this question can vary...
scenario 1: I wake up to Tater in my face screaming for grain bars and milk. Maybe demanding instead of screaming, but I can't hear her for the screech in her voice not to mention that her mouth is exactly 2 inches from my right ear. In the background, Tot is crying a constant scream of "Momeeeeee, Momeeeee." I groggily take the baby from the crib and, after wiping the tears and the snot, attempt to take her downstairs. It is at this time that Tater has decided that she needs to revert back to infancy and declare that she cannot walk down the stairs, and must be carried. I explain that it is not possible for Mommy to carry both down the stairs and she is big enough to walk on her own. A full-blown on-the-floor-kicking-and-screaming tantrum begins. I then proceed down the stairs only to find that Tater indeed can, and has, walked down the stairs before waking me. It seems as though she decided that her morning project is redecorating the living room and kitchen. I'm not sure if redecorating is the word I'm looking for....more like a magic marker mural on the walls, counter, table, and trash cans. And that was just the kitchen. Serve that up with evidence of a chair climbing banana stealing heist, a hearty snack of cereal, most of which is on the floor, and wrappers from my if-I-hide-it-here-she's-just-two 1/2- and-will-never-see-it-candy, and you have Tater at her finest. I could go on, but surely you would be bored. And so our day begins...
Response to scenario 1: I don't know, see if you can guess. I'm always busy, never have a moment to myself, can't remember the last time I have pottied in peace (yes, have a two year old and it suddenly becomes "pottied") and spent at least 98.2% of my waking hours cleaning up after a husband, two kids, and two cats. If I make it through the next 3 years without being committed, it will be an absolute miracle.
scenario 2: After a morning of quiet and sleeping in (okay, maybe no sleeping in, but everyone can dream), Tater comes to me and asks "Mommy, I need breakfast, please. And some milk." I hear Tot from her crib asking sweetly "Mommy? Mommy?" I go to retrieve her and she looks at me with the most adorable smile I've ever seen and says "Mommy, I a good girl?" Of course you are, my angel baby. Breakfast is full of giggles and jokes, questions and answers, singing and rhyming. I am rewarded with kisses and hugs and the brightest smiles in the world. And so our day begins....
Response to scenario 2: I don't know, see if you can guess. I'm always busy, never have a moment to myself, can't remember the last time I've pottied in peace and spend at least 98.2% of my waking hours cleaning up after a husband, two kids, and two cats. If the next three years go by as quickly as the past three years have, and if my girls keep growing this fast right before my eyes, I'll have to be committed. If ever I forget how blessed I am to have such a wonderful, precious, and unbelievably overwhelming life, I deserve to be committed.

Until next time,
Tater and Tot's Mommy