Have you heard the one about....

...not being able to keep anything on your kitchen counters? You know, crazy things like pieces of fruit or packs of gum. Although I'm sure that somewhere along the way a clever mom thought "Gee, a flat, raised, mostly clean surface....maybe I could place some of the kitchen items I use on a regular basis on them, or perhaps even eating goods that do not need refrigeration."
What a novel idea.
Too bad it doesn't work.
As I have mentioned in the past, Tater and Tot both love to steal things. Lots of things.
Drinks from my cup, lipstick from my purse, and an almost finished scarf off of my knitting needles. I still haven't had the class where they teach you how to put it back on. But it seems that lately, they are scoping out my kitchen.
I have a strange feeling that they are planning a heist, a hostile take over, a "job." Anything they can get their hands on is fair game. I walked into the kitchen yesterday to find Tater eating a pack of gum. No, no, listen carefully, not chewing a pack of gum. Eating a pack of gum. Chewing and swallowing. She had even gotten a paper plate to display it on. You know what they say, presentation is everything. Remind me when she's 10 and pooping unknown things, and I'm frantic trying to find out what on earth it could be. Help me remember the Great Gum Ingestion of 2006. I'm sure I will forget by then.
And then there is the Fruit Fiasco. It started out as bananas grabbed from the basket while standing on tip-toes. Then it moved on to grapes being snuck from the fridge (which by the way takes four hands and four feet to open.) Well, today it escalated to the strawberries. I wouldn't care much about the strawberries, except that they are my favorite. And I'm not real keen on sharing. I was in the living room minding my own business when Tot, the smaller of the two perps, came to me with half of a strawberry. It was like she was showing it off, daring me to apprehend her. It was then that I realized that it was the end with the green leaves that was missing. Maybe she had come to me wanting an explanation as to why something that smelled so good could taste so much like a cow pasture. I'll never know.
But I did know that these particular thieves worked in pairs. A Thelma and Louise, if you will. There was no time to radio in for backup, so I had to face this situation on my own. I went into the kitchen to find Tater standing on a chair digging through the container, looking for the best ones. She looked at me innocently with those big brown eyes and told me "Mom-my, Sissy wanted stwawbewwies." How could I protest?
Now I know how the best in the force can go corrupt. You know, let the little things slide, maybe even take a little for themselves.

Forget about lunch.

We ate strawberries.

Now I have to go and finish my report on the incident. My paperwork will reflect that it was a false alarm. That is, if I can hide the strawberry stains.

Until next time and if anyone read this far,
Tater and Tot's Mommy