Tater and Tot

Just a little dirt from my Tater Patch.

10.27.2006

A Letter.

Dear Miss Carry,

I don't even know where to begin. I don't know what to say to you. Who do you think you are? Who are you to come into my life and my family -quietly, slowly, deliberately - and take something that doesn't belong to you?

Why don't you leave? You have come and taken what you have wanted - so why are you still here? Every where I turn, every where I look, every time I try and turn my mind to something else, you emerge from hiding, you gloat, and you always find a way to remind me of what I have lost. And what you have won. Do you point and laugh? Do you claim a loud victory? Or do you stare quietly and intently, watching for the glimpses of grief?

I have to ask, Miss Carry, when do you leave? Or do you ever leave? Even as the weeks turn into months, and the months turn to years, will you always be around? Will you be around every corner to remind me of the sharpness of my pain? Will you be giving silent nudges to stir my sorrow? When others around me forget what you have taken, when no words are ever spoken, will you still find a way to show me what should be mine?

You need to know that you didn't just take from my womb, Miss Carry.

You took from my heart.

Signed,
Mommy


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10 Comments:

At 11:48 AM, Blogger Becky said...

Oh, man, I love you so much and I am so sorry for all your hurt. I wish it had never happened to you because you deserve it so much. But, know that I am here for you. I don't want to say all the usual things people say in time of mourning and sorrow. So, please just know you are in my prayers and I love you!

 
At 9:33 PM, Blogger Karen said...

Oh dear. My heart is heavy for you. I believe that I have been here, too. A prayer, for you and yours, is in my heart.

 
At 6:34 PM, Blogger Mrs. Chicken said...

I am so sorry for your sorrow. I hope you find your way to peace in your heart, ny friend.

 
At 11:51 PM, Blogger Heather said...

Came via CnC.

I'm so sorry. There's nothing else I can offer...

My heart hurts for you.

 
At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Michele said...

I came over from Chicken and Cheese, not sure what I was going to find. I am so, so sorry.

I hope blogging about it helps. I know not much does help when this happens.

A new reader.

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger Mom101 said...

Oh wow. I wasn't sure where this was going and then it hit me. Peace.

 
At 7:38 PM, Anonymous Whymommy said...

Oh, my. I'm so sorry.

Just found you via Chicken n Cheese, but I'm reading your backblog already. Sounds like you have two wonderful kids and you're a great mom.

Please hang in there and write anytime -- I'm so sad for you and the loss of Small Fry.

 
At 10:05 PM, Blogger Tater and Tot said...

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I hope to be able to write more about my little lost one in the future.

 
At 4:07 AM, Blogger bunchkin said...

It never goes away. It just gets duller and recedes into the shadows. After my miscarriage nine years ago, I made a cross stitch angel with the date of my miscarriage and the words "On earth a short time, but forever in my heart." It hangs on our wall, and I have gotten to a place where I can smile when I look at it instead of crying. I pray that your pain lessens.

 
At 8:52 PM, Blogger Ben & Bennie said...

My new friend, I am so sorry for your loss. I've commented to your most recent post but I am eerily drawn back to this honest and brilliant post of yours. I feel angry. I'm angry inside because there are many of us that feel cheated out of our legitimate expectations as a parent. I feel guilty inside. My youngest child is living and breathing right now and he's not supposed to be. I feel empty. That is the way I will feel if/when I should lose my son after sharing so much of my life with him.

"Here I Am" is an incredible step. Keep moving forward. I suppose that is life - at least that's what I've heard.

 

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