Tater and Tot

Just a little dirt from my Tater Patch.

5.09.2006

Time Flies.

Well, tomorrow is the big day. My Tater is turning 3. Do you remember when you were a little kid, and it took three forevers for your birthday to come? How it seemed like no matter how hard you tried or how early you went to bed each night, tomorrow just never came quickly enough? I do. I remember how I just couldn’t wait for the expiration date on the milk jug to be a day or two after my birthdate. That meant that the time was drawing near. Slowly, but near.
Well, I have discovered that those days are completely and totally over. Gone. Done away with. Vanished. Disappeared. Because nowadays, it seems as though there are only two blinks between this birthday and the last.
It seems like just yesterday that I found out there was even a little root of a Tater in my tummy. My husband and I were on vacation. I took two tests. Or was it three? I called my parents at around 1:00 in the morning and asked them to “guess what?” I remember that first ultrasound where I saw a lima bean and a beating heart. And I cried. At twenty weeks when we knew that the “baby” was now a “baby girl.” I’ll never forget the Saturday morning induction when I knew I didn’t want to be pregnant any more, but wasn’t really sure that I was ready to have a baby. The next day was my birthday and mother’s day. And I didn’t really feel like I should celebrate either.
I think about that first week home and a spit up of blood, and my stomach still clenches in knots. Thank goodness my mama was here. If I didn’t have her to talk me down, I very well could have contemplated sending that Tater baby back. Oh, the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding.
It seems like only last week that I was just getting comfortable taking care of one baby, when I realized that I was going to have another. Tears still well up in my eyes when I think of the month that I was away from Tater while in the hospital with Tot. Tater needed me so much, but Tot needed me more. And I needed them both. Those same tears spill when I remember my much needed hospital visits from Tater and the sobs that would erupt from my throat when they were over. I had two babies and couldn’t take care of either. Then when I finally could take care of both, I felt as though I didn’t know either of them. A month is a long time for a mother of two who is without her two children.
I remember the second birthday party and a very excited Tater who got to dance to her favorite Wiggles songs. Two healthy babies made me want to dance, too. I think about the vacation to the beach and how excited we all were to put on our “baby” suits. Christmas trees and lights, presents and paper, carols and giggles. It came and went entirely too fast. It seems like as soon as we started hauling them up, it was time to pack up the decorations and take them back down. “It’s EASTER SUNDAY!” on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. As long as we can have chocolate candy eggs for desert, it’s Easter Sunday.
And today. Today is the eve of your third birthday . Tomorrow will come and go as fast as all of the other days of the past three years. We will have spaghetti and cupcakes, and you will be excited to give me three-year-old kisses instead of two. We will spend the day talking about all of the three year old stuff you can do, giggling about your butterfly birthday party on Saturday, going over for the fiftieth time who all will be coming to celebrate, and trying to teach your little sister the happy birthday song.
And then I will blink. And 365 more days will have gone by. I will wonder where the time went, be thankful that we had it, and cry for it to come back. Not because I don’t want you to grow, but because I will want to take back all of the moments that I regretfully let slip away.
But for tonight, you are my favorite two year old in the whole world. And tomorrow, that will change. For tomorrow, you will be my favorite three year old in the whole world, standing alongside my favorite one year old in the whole world and I will be the luckiest mom alive.

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15 Comments:

At 9:30 AM, Anonymous easnana said...

Dear Tater & Tots Mom
You can't have these days back -no matter how hard you try- but you will experience them again when they remember their favorite birthdays, vacations, foods, times they spend with you and then talk about them to the world - and you realize that maybe you did okay in spite of everything.
And suddenly you will know that the love you have for them is not diminished when they find wonderful husbands and have 3 year old "so beautiful, smart, funny and is so like her mom it's scary" Tater's and almost 2 year old "Angel Baby" that's rotten, beautiful, & meaner than a snake" Tots.
The love just multiplies and gets bigger and bigger until you think that your heart will burst with pride when you stop and know that your sweet little babies have grown up to become amazing Mommies with amazing babies and wonder if it could get any better than this.
You will be very humbled & realize that God has taken care of everything just like He promised that He would because that is what He does.
You'll be able to do what you have to do and fall apart later. You'll sleep knowing that they are safely tucked in God's hands and He's in charge of everything and that's enough.
Who knew? You did.
I love you.

 
At 1:37 PM, Blogger lynsalyns said...

Lovely, just lovely. I am so sorry to hear of your health issues after the birth of Tot. We are thinking about another and the idea of it makes me at once thrilled and terrified.

This was a wonderful read.

 
At 8:55 PM, Blogger cmhl said...

happy birthday Tater!!!

 
At 9:07 PM, Blogger lynsalyns said...

Did you know you are blogrolled on CMHL? Awesome! She rocks. Props to you!

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger Tater and Tot said...

Actually, the health problems were both of us. I went into labor about a month before Tot was born, was on hospital bed rest for almost two weeks before I delivered, and when she finally did come, she was 5 weeks early and was then transferred to the NICU of a children's hospital about 2 hours away. There she had some surgery and was able to come home with a few pieces of medical equiment when she was about 2 1/2 weeks. Thank goodness I had the help of my parents and my in-laws to take care of Tater!
She is doing awesome now - you would never know that she had had any complications - and should graduate from all of her doctors in a few months. Now she is rowdy, and lovely, and hilarious, and truly my angel baby! Although this is something that I would never choose to go through or have my baby go through, I can look back and definately see how this changed me into a better mother, wife, and just all around better person. I guess there really is always a silver lining. Maybe I'll blog all of the details one day.

 
At 8:36 AM, Blogger lynsalyns said...

In case you aren't yanking my chain about not knowing how to link or add pics, give me a shout via email and I'll show you how. My sister is the expert (she designed and maintains her own site for her business) but she showed me the dummy-proof way to do those tricks.

Also, yes, the masthead is the graphic on the top of the page. I get a kick out of using that word, since it harkens back to my newspaper days. It is the term for the graphic at the top of the newspaper that includes the paper's name. It can also be called a flag.

Enough pontificating for now. And glad Tot is all better.

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Tennessee Mama said...

Oh Mom! How precious! I'm feeling sentimental about now too! My oldest celebrates his last "single-digit" birthday on Sunday! How appropriate that it falls on Mother's Day too!

It truly is bittersweet, isn't it?

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger Tater and Tot said...

It is! You don't want them to not grow up, but you don't want them to grow up, either. And mine are only 3 and almost 2!!

 
At 2:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are who I think you are (your mom told me about your blog)then you MIGHT know me when I lean my head back as FAR as I can and say "My hair is longer then yours".

Anyway, I read all of your blogs today, it's really dead at work. Your AMAZING!!! I haven't had children yet but you brought me to tears with your post on 5/9. You should write a book. Keep it up you have a new fan.

The redhead nextdoor. : )

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger Tater and Tot said...

Yeah, it's me. So sorry, but my hair is DEFINATELY longer than yours. And stay out of the creek, we'll probably get in trouble.
Thanks for stopping by!

 
At 7:48 PM, Blogger va momma said...

Happy Birthday Tater!! I loved this entry. Can definetly relate.

 
At 11:06 PM, Blogger Mom101 said...

You just gave tater a most excellent birthday gift. Although I'm sure these days, a doll of some sort would be more appreciated. Give it about 20 years. She'll see just how awesome her mom was.

 
At 2:48 AM, Anonymous Lisa said...

Gosh, how I know this feels all too well. I cant believe mine is 2 and another one is coming. It seems like just yesterday she was in my belly and now her she is her own little person. Its sad but amazing and we can just try not to miss a second!

 
At 1:36 AM, Anonymous lildb said...

I'm totally crying.

 
At 1:07 AM, Blogger Heather said...

That was a really fabulous post. I got tears in my eyes. You're right, the years roll by way too quickly. Mine are almost 4 and almost 2. They get more fun each year, but I miss the younger days with them as well.

 

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